Secrets of Green
by Miss Suicide Kitten
Summary: Green eyes. Lily looked upon her son through her dark, green cat's eyes and her heart broke. All over again. TBC, LilyJames. Lily's memories of the Last 4 Years.


**Secrets of Green**

**Summary:** Green eyes. Crookshanks looked upon the Potter boy through her dark, green eyes and her heart broke. All over again. Secret identity of Crookshanks revealed.

**Disclaimer: **Characters and stuff aren't mine… So, let's see. It may go cannon. Maybe not.

**Prologue**

**On Borrowed Time**

James had a secret from me when I was younger. He was an Animagus…a stag. Beautiful and milky-white, crowned with glowing antlers. But once I fell in love with him he was so eager for my trust, and my acceptance, that he told me about it. It was his deepest secret. I knew it.

One thing gnawed at my insides though -- one thing that I only thought of late at night, lying awake in the circle of his arms. The soft rise and fall of his chest against me soothed my fears about our uncertain future. But it did not soothe the guilt I felt, knowing that I was keeping a secret from him. And I never told him, never.

We had four glorious years, years I now look on through a window of pale pink glass. The perfect years. We were married two years out of Hogwarts. It was my first love. I knew he felt guilty, he felt apprehensive about loving me because it was my first time… Sounds corny. But I did. I did make him wait for our wedding night. What can I say? I was afraid of how I felt. I was afraid of how much I loved him.

Then, there was Harry. He was perfect when he was born…so small, so innocent, so beautiful. Ten perfect little fingers, two tiny feet… I missed him. Once he was born, even though he was right before my eyes, I missed him. He looked just like James, just like James but miniature. It was funny, how apprehensive James was when he held Harry for the first time. "I'm afraid I'll break him," was what he said.

He told me he wanted more children. Many more, a huge family just like the one the Weasleys had. They were nice people. I remember liking Molly very much, her and all of her children. It's too late now, too late for his dream.

So here I am. Here, me, at Harry's wedding. It's beautiful here - I have the perfect view from atop the Weasleys' roof… The wedding is in their backyard. Ginny is such a pretty, sweet girl… I couldn't love her more. I really have grown to love her over all of these years… Harry loos so handsome, I could cry. He's just like James, just like him…But with my eyes. Everyone says that about him. There are so many roses in this backyard… I'm sure I didn't have nearly so many.

My time is drawing near, I know it. The time when the Promise I'm held to will be revoked… I'll see my love again once more, he will hold me in his arms as he used to. I can die, my body lost to the earth, knowing my son lives. He's grinning. He's happy. Ginny makes him happy. There's nothing more then to demand of her… I have no voice, and I have no arms to hold my baby child one more time. I'll never look upon the face of my grandchildren. But the time I was Promised in this form was a gift. And I'll treat it as such.

I stretch my long, ginger back out on the roof, green eyes scouring the party for any signs of Andromeda and Remus' adorable baby son. He died…just as James died. To protect the future, his baby, his son. I'll be seeing him again soon, and Sirius too. I can't wait to see my James again.

My orange, triangular ears perk up as 'Here Comes the Bride' starts. Any moment, Ginny will walk down that aisle towards Harry, ready to be his forever. A red-haired girl, deeply in love, shy, nervous, shining with happiness and clothed in white, a veil across her face… Just as I was on my wedding day. I grow warm. I close my green cat's eyes, content to die here, now. And I slowly fade away.

My life, my memories of the last ten years play behind my eyelids. Is this what it's like to die? It doesn't hurt… Not at all. That's good to know… It didn't hurt James, then. Sorrow wrenches at my heart, but I know it is my time. I'm living on borrowed time, now… I had to die soon.

These are my memories. These, these are the truths.

TBC


End file.
